Halloween is long gone, but during the holiday season, there are plenty of things that should scare the hell out of you. One of my worst fears is the dreaded “WORK POTLUCK.” Just hearing that phrase makes me want to go throw up.
This meme sums up why I’m so afraid of work potlucks. Here are my top five reasons why I hate them so much.
- They’re nasty AF!
- They’re nasty AF!
- They’re nasty AF!
- They’re nasty AF!
- They’re nasty AF!
The old folks used to say, “You can’t eat everybody’s cooking.” I agree with that 100 percent, just because you work with someone doesn’t mean you should be on the, I’m eating whatever concoction you whipped up, in your disgusting a@# kitchen.
Ok, so maybe you don’t believe me and you just think this is another crazy rant. Well, let me hit you with some facts. Foodborne illness causes around 48 million people to get sick, which leads to lots of toilet explosions and even 128,000 hospitalizations. And what’s worse, is that close to 3,000 people die each year in the US.
However, if you just have to eat at a work potluck, here are a few tips to help keep you from dying.
- SEEK OUT FOOD THAT WAS BOUGHT AND PREPARED AT STORES. Most of the time these items are safe. Unless people are eating with utensils and then double-dipping when they go back for seconds.
- CHOOSE FOOD PREPARED BY SOMEONE WHO DOESNT HAVE A NASTY KITCHEN. This may require to you do a home visit and inspect the kitchen yourself. It may seem like a lot to do, but it’s necessary. Do you want to DIE???
- AVOID EATING FOOD FROM PEOPLE WHO YOU KNOW, DONT WASH THEIR DAMN HANDS WHEN THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM. This is self-explanatory. You know there are people at your job that you would never ever, ever, ever, shake their hands. Cause you remember that one time; when you guys were in the bathroom that one time. When they walked right past a perfectly good sink and soap dispenser and they didn’t even stop to use it.
- IF YOU SUSPECT THEY KISS THEIR PETS IN THE MOUTH, AVOID THEIR DISH AT ALL COSTS. Again this should sound like a no brainer, but you would be amazed. You may be wondering WHY???? Who cares if people kiss their dogs, cats or hamsters in the mouth. Well people who kiss their dogs in the mouth, are typically the same type of people who will share spoons and forks with their fur babies. Those are the same type of folks, who will taste their dish while cooking and then use the same spoon to continue stirring.
- THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE (see below)
IF YOUR CO-WORKERS HAS ARMS LIKE THIS. YOU ARE SAFE AND HER FOOD IS GOING TO BE AMAZING. And it definitely won’t kill you, at least not right away. Let me warn you tho, if you start eating at “Betty Jean’s” house every day over the course of a few years, you may be hit with high blood pressure or diabetes. But I promise you it will be well worth it.
As for the people who think cooking a casserole for the next work potluck is a good idea. Let me offer this advice. If you’re nasty AF, you kiss your pets in the mouth or you can’t cook and you don’t like to wash your hands when you go to the bathroom. Do me this HUGE FAVOR. And ask yourself this……
Just go ahead and take that “L”, go to your nearest grocery store or your favorite restaurant and let them prepare that potluck dish for you. Your coworkers lives may be depending on you making the right decision.