Hide Yo Wife, Hide Yo Kids, Cause They Vaping Out Here!!!!

Growing up I remember watching the all the sitcoms. Sometimes they would air a “special episode.” That episode dealt with a very serious topic or subject matter. Once on “Saved By The Bell”, we learned about the dangers of caffeine pills.

That episode saved my life. Seeing what Jessie Spano went through was heartwrenching. Because of this show, I never once experimented with caffeine pills. There were also “After School Specials” that dealt with hard-hitting issues as well. Those shows inspired me to write about one of the biggest threats to humans everywhere right now. A threat you may not even be know about right now. I’m talking about vaping.

Vaping is DANGEROUS and it has now claimed the lives of 12 people. Do you understand people are dying out here!!! Rightfully so, our elected leaders are working on plans to deal with the public health emergency. They’re talking about banning some of these vaping products in order to keep us safe. Let’s do it I’m all for it.

But while doing some research, I discovered we don’t need to stop there. I’ve discovered a laundry list of other stuff that needs to be banned too. Because they too are killing people.

TRAFFIC LIGHTS need to go. They are responsible for 2,000 deaths a year.

FALLING COCONUTS are also deadly, they kill 150 people a year.

MOSQUITOS kill about 800,000 people a year.

HIGH SCHOOL/COLLEGE FOOTBALL kills around 12 people a year.

CHAMPAGNE CORKS kill around 24 people a year. This will make you think twice about popping bottles.

TRIPPING is also deadly, about 6,000 people die from falls each year.

EATING can kill you too. 3,000 people die each year from choking.

RAW MEAT takes out about 5,000 people each year.

COWS kill about 20 people a year.

WIND is responsible for sending 104 people to the “Crossroads” every year. RIP Uncle Charles.

BEES kill around 100 people a year.

THE COLD cause a lot of slow singing and flower bringing. That’s because it’s responsible for 600 US deaths per year.

AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION believe it or not, kills about 1,000 people each year. WTF????

So I think we need to start banning all of this stuff, from the traffic lights to bees and even the wind and cold. I wanna live in a world where Champagne Corks and Falling Coconuts can’t hurt me. LET’S BAN IT ALL!!!!

Also, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but just say no to “Autoerotic Asphyxiation.” In the words of Too Short, ” If you don’t listen its not my fault. I’ll be getting paid and you’ll be paying the cost.”